Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Sugar! Sugar! Sugar! Remember back in the day when nearly every damned breakfast cereal had the word "sugar" in the title? Hell, that was basically the keyword on the box that let a kid know that the product was worth buying - of course my parents knew this too and would try to swap out my sugar-bombs for a box of Total or Grape-Nuts when I wasn't looking. Bless them. But at some point in the 90s, the titles on the packages all started to change. Super Sugar Crisp and Sugar Smacks became Super Golden Crisp and Honey Smacks while Sugar Frosted Flakes got castrated to just plain old Frosted Flakes - I don't think any of the actual ingredients changed, of course, just the names. Well I'm sad to report that the happy-fun adventure-time of breakfast cereal entertainment continues to face the dark, murderous forces of extremist parental groups with the recent axing of the entire General Mills line of monster-branded products which include the lovable Count Chocula, the creepy Frankenberry (which actually turned kids' poop pink when first introduced in 1972) and the bleary-eyed and oft-forgotten Boo-Berry. Well they're not gone entirely, but as of 2010, our favorite old movie-monsters will only appear during the fall/Halloween season in special promotional packages and only for a limited time. Damn this economic freefall we're in! So gather ye rosebuds while ye may and maybe save a couple of boxes of Boo-Berry for me in October. I want to see if it turns my pee blue.