Merry Christmas, If That's OK

Happy Holidays from the Bots

This is one of my favorite TV show Christmas songs. It comes to us from way back in 1993, that's 20 years ago to you and me, and was featured on the obscure geek extravaganza known as MST3000. At the time this video was originally broadcast, cultural awareness and political correctness were quickly becoming the hot topics of the day. This little Xmas ditty hit the nail on the head and actually might be even more relevant today in 2013, when perhaps our collective level of cultural sensitivity has spiralled so far out of control, that everyone on the planet is afraid of saying anything to anyone. The song, entitled Merry Christmas, If That's OK, does contain a positive message of tolerance, although the performers quite obviously have their tongues firmly planted in their cheeks. Happy birthday, Jesus, don't let the bastards get you down.

BetaMaXmas 2013

Disturbingly representative of my childhood

Here it is, December of 2013 and so far, where I live, it's been a pretty mild winter with almost zero precipitation. But back when I was a little kid in Wisconsin, my family were afforded no such meteorological reprieves. We may just as well have been living at the North Pole for all the snow, ice and sleet we had to endure, and that was just in the springtime. So after a typical day of trudging through knee-deep snow in my moon-boots trying to keep the snot from freezing up in my nose, I would find that there was no better way to warm back up than to snag one of the less creaky spots on our old pull-out sofa in the basement and zone out in front of a toasty Zenith while I crawled under Grandma's old quilt and watched and waited for that little kid to get his tongue stuck on the pole in A Christmas Story. And if I was extra lucky, mom would let me eat dinner right there in front of the TV -- it's the little things in life, you know?
It's now a whole bunch of years later, but I still miss that shabby little basement with the faux wood panelling and the Suzanne Somers poster hanging next to the baseball-themed dartboard. I miss all three static-filled channels that endlessly streamed the same holiday drivel every year until we'd all had our fill of Alf, He-Man and Smurfs Christmas Specials. And I miss the TV Guide, dammit.
So as fate would have it, a few years ago I discovered a way to relive those warm and fuzzy memories without having to steal a Tardis and, even better, without having to go back to Wisconsin.
The site is called BetaMaXmas.com and basically it's a virtual recreation of the childhood memory I just described, lo-fi and complete with wood paneling. Upon entering the site, you'll be greeted with a couch and an old TV that loops 80s commercials and holiday specials from YouTube ad infinitum. Appropriately, the boob-tube sits atop an 8-Track player and Betamax machine whose clock keeps flashing 12:00. The experience is pretty complete: Don't like the channel? Use the clicker. Too much snow on the screen? Adjust the rabbit ears. Wanna know what else is on? Check out the TV Guide (if anyone under 35 is reading this, their head is probably exploding right now).
Over time, BetaMaXmas become a regular tradition for me and nowadays we turn it on around the Holidays and leave it running for hours at a time. And now that I have kids, I've found that it serves as an excellent historical pop-culture tool I can use to teach them about the time-honored tradition of commercializing Christmas, retro-style.

CLICK HERE TO ENTER BETAMAXMAS.COM

Merry BetamaXmas!

Well it's almost Christmas kids, and a long-standing tradition of mine, after having my cocoa and counting my presents, is to relax in my fake-wood-paneled basement and enjoy some classic retro TV Christmas specials in glorious 480i resolution whilst eating Twinkees. No, no, I don't have a time machine, well I'm sort of working on one, but it's years from completion and I still don't know where I'm going to find a high enough grade of plutonium for the...ummm...yeah...so since I DO NOT HAVE A TIME MACHINE I just plop down in front of my home computer, log onto the information super-highway, fire up Netscape and visit BetamaXmas.com. Complete with a ratty but comfortable couch, and what I'm pretty sure is a Bo Derek poster on the wall, BetamaXmas serves up past-time holiday goodies and retro commercials in a totally rad 80s style, complete with a VCR which perpetually flashes 12:00 a.m. There's even a TV Guide and channel changer available if you feel like surfing and make sure you adjust the antennas on top of the TV to ensure the best possible reception.  And in case you're wondering, that's Ethel Merman in the screenshot singing "The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow" on an old Sesame Street Christmas special. Crazy. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!

CLICK HERE TO VISIT BETAMAXMAS.COM