Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears. This great nation of ours is in peril. Not only is it in peril but it's teetering on the very brink, as well. In fact, you could probably say that it's right there on the verge of teetering on the brink all the while that it's in peril as well, too. And while you, the people of this great nation, look forward to that Tuesday after the first Monday of November to cast your ballot for the Presidential nominee hopefully best-equipped to pull us back from the edge of the verge that we're on, you know, with the brink and all, are bewildered by the myriad of choices with which you, the people, have been presented. Republicans, Democrats, Libertarians, Progressive Socialists, Neo-Fascists and of course, the Silly Party, are all begging for your votes. Well actually they're begging that 11 percent of undecideds for their votes and really don't give a crap about the rest of you, or anyone who lives in Puerto Rico, but still, not one of these would-be potential future presidents-in-waiting has shown you - you, the people of this great nation, the voters, the taxpayers, the workers and business-owners, and you, the great people of this great, great nation, just what a true American president should be, what a great American leader is truly made of and what you, this amazingly great nation of truly great people truly desire: an Italian plumber. Truly.